Pet Peeve: Annoying Question

"So what will you do when T. goes off to college? You'll be all alone..."

I really hate when friends and family pose this question. Are they predicting my downfall into abject loneliness, my life consumed with "those were the days memories" and worshiping T.'s baby shoes? One time a few years ago, my landlady stopped my son and me as we set out for a walk--"In a few years he'll be off at college and you'll be all alone," and she smiled. Later I thought of the kind of thing you wish you'd said although of course you'd never say it: "Uh--you're so concerned about my being alone--I guess you have an eligible bachelor ready for me to meet, right? You're a prominent church member--you wouldn't be throwing my singleness in my face, would you? That wouldn't be Christian, would it?"

Of course, I have the specter of my mother's example hanging over my head--a negative role model if there ever was one. She, with her mental illness, didn't want me to go off to college in the first place. Looking back, I should have picked a college on the opposite side of the country--instead, I lived on campus but in a school not far from my mother's apartment; she once paid me a one a.m. visit, screaming at me to come home until someone on the floor summoned the R.A. My roommates and I left the phone off the hook nights so her frequent calls wouldn't wake us. Yup, negative role model.

I want my son to go away to college--I think it's a good first step towards his independence, one he'll be able to share with his fellow college freshman--an informal support group of thousands, you could say. And I've always tried to pursue my own dreams while being a mom, last year earning my MFA in creative writing, and I submit work to agents or editors once a month, amassing an impressive collection of rejection slips. Socially, I try to nurture old friendships and make new ones. L. and I are daily email buddies, H. and I have decided to have breakfast together once a month, I just emailed neighbor D. about setting up time for coffee, D.A. and I have monthly "write-ins," A. has become like my mother and we chat on the phone everyday, I'm overdue for having Ms. M. over for coffee...All alone? Depends on your definition, I guess! Sure, I'll be living alone a year from now, but although I'd love to find a soul mate, I'm not planning to advertise for a roommate! And I want to be proud of an independent adult son making his own way in the world.

That's why the title of this blog is "Dena's Launching Pad," NOT "Preparing for Empty Nest"! The phrase "empty nest" sounds so forlorn--why go there? Do birds sit around and dwell on their collections of twigs after their offspring have flown off? Don't think so--imagine they're flying about here and there. No, I look at my home as a place to launch my son off to a fulfilling life--and where I continue to follow my dreams.